Walking midway into a conversation can be a misleading indicator of the topic being talked about. Our lives are all conversations with new participants joining in at different times. Regardless of how aware we are about it, that person will make judgement (deliberate or not) about who we are. It is just human nature to assess someone we are interacting with, in that moment of conversation. The beauty of meeting new people is that it gives us the opportunity to be whoever the fuck we want to be, at that point in time. We can start a new identity. We can erase the past. We can start afresh and only let the people we want into our lives. We can be brand new.
However, I work differently. But, that hasn’t always been the case.
Who I am today – down to the second – is a collection of everything I have endured. Every moment. EVERY MOMENT. Good and bad. Quite frankly, I am proud of who I have become. For this reason, I refuse to pretend to be someone I am not, and most importantly, who I was. But, that’s not saying it is easy for me to be open about parts of my life, because it’s not. In fact, there are many parts of the ‘conversation’ I have chosen to never speak about. The reason? Fear.
Fear of being judged. The fear that people will see the human who has lived inside a robotic façade for many years. The fear that people will perceive my past battles as petty and insignificant. The fear that people will run away the moment I show even a hint of emotion. It’s all fucking fear because I am fucking human, and apparently, fucking needy. I know myself well. I am aware of my needs. I am aware of my flaws. And it is time I started being open and honest about them to everyone else.
This is exactly where my new project, Liberato, begins.
I have reached a point in my life that I absolutely fucking love. As a person, I have progressed beyond my previous imagination. I feel free-er (yes, a comparative for something that should have no degree of relativity) but not completely FREE. What, I believe, will make me feel completely liberated is being open about who I am and who I was. This open honesty, I believe, will shape some of the greatest works of art I have made… so far.
I am ready to take myself to the next level, by being vulnerable. By being human.
Brené Brown has a great TED talk about the power of vulnerability, here. I suggest you check it out, if you have a moment (or twenty minutes) to spare, because it’s formed a great foundation for my next set of work. A huge thank you to Stefano for sharing this great gift of conversation with me.
In time, my last post, The power of context., will make plenty of sense. It was the middle of a conversation and the beginning of another one. You will be given the context that was deliberately left out. An experiment that worked well… People either watched on from afar, like I was a psychotic street dweller looking for trouble. Or, they approached me and asked if I was OK.
Become part of the conversation.